You Saw Me
Recently, I have become convinced that God knows each of us, intimately and personally, and has known us deeply even before we knew Him. He saw every moment of our lives and was there with us through it all.
Today I was reading David’s famous Psalm 139 and in it he wrote:
“O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.” - Psalm 139:1 (NLT)
“You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.” – Psalm 139:16 (NLT)
A few weeks ago, a brother at our house church was confronting his life-long struggle with being late. For him, it wasn’t just a casual issue of being impolite from time to time. This was actually a problem that was affecting his life in all aspects, and not just his personal life, but his work life as well. He was constantly late for everything – all his meetings, his appointments, his times with friends. He had tried so many different things to change, setting up all sorts of calendars, reminders, schedulers, and even many different productivity apps on his phone, all to no avail. Nothing worked for him.
That day, as we finished our weekly bible study, we decided to pray and wait for the Holy Spirit’s leading on what He wanted us to pray for. As we were praying, the brother started to become emotional. I asked him to pray into it. He was praying to the Lord asking for help with his chronic lateness, when all of sudden – and completely out of the blue – a long lost memory came into his head. It was a memory of himself as a kid. He was waiting outside of the school with his sister, and they were waiting for their mother to pick them up. As always, she was late picking them up, and the two of them were waiting there while every other kid was picked up for home – one by one. This lasted for hours, and it happened day after day. They were ashamed, embarrassed and angry. Why couldn’t she just be on time like the rest of the mothers?
And with that, our brother as a child made a vow over his life. And his vow was that he would never, ever be caught waiting for another person again. He never wanted to feel the embarrassment and shame again of waiting on a person to come that was not coming and who had forgotten about him. So deep down, this had been his solution – that if he was always late, he’d never be waiting for anyone else.
We were blown away by how God had revealed all of this to our brother in prayer, especially because we didn’t have any particular agenda. We just went to the Lord with open hands and He decided it was time for healing. What was powerful to our brother was that God remembered something even he had forgotten, and better yet, that God had been there and saw what had happened to him. He had never been alone. And God wanted him to know that.
At this point, I was already in awe of how great our Lord is. That he would unearth an old dusty forgotten memory at the perfect time for healing to happen. But what happened next completely floored me.
We were about to change topics to pray about something else, when again all of a sudden, another old memory came to our brother’s mind! And this time it wasn’t even his own memory. He saw his mother pregnant, with him in the belly, and his mother was upset because she was waiting for his dad to come home. Hour after hour, she would just wait and wait around for her husband, holding her pregnant belly and waiting for him with their dinner cooked and ready on the table, but he was always out and wouldn’t come home until really late at night.
The image was an amazing one. Maybe he had heard his Mom share the story with him years before, but it made total sense. His Mom had made the same vow he did! She was tired of waiting and being hurt by others, so she decided to “take control” and be the one to make others wait. Then this was passed down to her son.
We were so thankful to God for the revelation of all of this, and we prayed with our brother, who was tearing up at this point, to renounce these vows over his life, forgive his parents and be freed. It was such a powerful, God-ordained moment.
Our God is a father that knows us deep in our core. And powerfully, He knows us as we were originally intended. He knows us as the one He created, before the world tried to steal the beauty inside. I am so thankful that the creator of the Heavens and the Earth stops to see us and to truly know us. That is love.
Image credit: Flickr / Matteo Parrini