I Tried Everything that the World Said About Peace
Where do you look for peace and happiness? Do you look to money, success, having someone, or even drugs or alcohol? All of those will leave you dry without the love of God. Our friend Helen shares her powerful testimony of how nothing she ever tried could give her any peace until she met her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
My name is Helen and I will start with my childhood…
I’m Chinese, and I was born in Indonesia. I had an abusive father, and I lived in an environment where many people hate Chinese people and also hate Christians, so injustice, mistreatment and rejection were a part of my daily life. I never had peace in my heart, it was like I was carrying a bomb that could explode at any time.
All I wanted was to feel and have peace in my heart.
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I tried everything that the world said about peace. I looked at how people in movies looked for peace – when they had problems, they would smoke and drink beer, so I tried that for about a month or two. I hated smoking, so I never inhaled the smoke into my lungs. Same thing with beer, I drank beer and would just fall asleep afterwards. My mom knew about this, but she didn’t tell my dad, she knew why I doing all those things.
As a child I never complained, I just kept everything inside, and I tried so hard to stay strong. But the pain was unbearable and life felt like hell, so I thought about suicide many times. I tried using smoking and beer to help me, but neither of those brought any peace or happiness. What I saw in those movies was all a fake!
I never tried drugs because when I was little my dad said drugs could make people lose their mind, and my life was hell already. So I tried looking for other things to find my peace. I was good at school and my career was good too, so I thought being successful and having a lot of money could bring you happiness. I became a manager at a very young age and had money, but again I felt empty – those things don’t bring happiness either.
So I kept searching. I saw people with boyfriends, and they looked so happy, so I thought I should have one too. But when I broke up with him soon after, I learned the hard way that happiness doesn’t come from having someone with you. And when I was alone and broken, the people who said they were my friends, instead of being there for me, stabbed me in the back. I became distant and wouldn’t let anyone come near me and touch my heart. I was so lost and didn’t know what else I should do.
I heard about God and prayed to Him since I was little, but I felt He wasn’t there for me. I followed what the Bible said, but my life was so miserable. So I never saw God as my answer, until one day something happened to my sister. I love my family, and I will protect them and do everything for them. I felt so hopeless when she called for help, and I couldn’t do anything. And for the first time I asked God to help me, I surrendered and fasted with water only for a week. During that time, I didn’t feel weak at all, in fact I felt peace for the first time in my life and God showed His miracle through my sister. That experience changed my life and my perspective, I started looking for God and seeking His help. I knew He was the answer that I had been searching for.
3 years ago, I went to my church The Source for the first time. I had a weird experience, but amazing at the same time. I wanted to come back, but I wasn’t sure if it was the right door for me. So I prayed for confirmation. A few days after, my friend Indah called me out of the blue. I never forget what she said: “God told me to call you”. We talked a lot, and it wasn’t the kind of typical conversation I would ever have. She also told me to go to The Source and do inner healing with one of the leaders…. I thought that must be a sign from God!
Earlier this year I made a commitment that I want to know God and have a relationship with Him. I opened my heart and let God take control of me, and now in everything I do I want His approval.
God is working on me, healing my wounds and gathering my pieces, re-shaping my heart that was like a rock before.
God has told me that I’m not The Ugly Duckling anymore. One time, as I was crying, I heard a small voice saying: “What are you crying for? You are no longer a victim, and the person that hurt you is long gone. You are a victor and you are a daughter of the Heavenly Father”. The minute I heard that I stopped crying. I felt so happy that I started praying for everybody in that room so they could feel His love and have peace in their heart too.
I remember the first few times I went to my church I used to sit in the corner crying, I didn’t want to talk to people. I was scared, embarrassed and felt so guilty. But God has set me free, from a sad angry person not knowing about God and not knowing about herself, to a person who has finally has peace.
Image Credit: Flickr / jk+too