Featured Reader: Azadeh from Copenhagen, Denmark
From time to time, we’ll be featuring some of the best comments and feedback we receive from some of our readers around the world. We recently received this message and testimony from our reader Azadeh from Copenhagen, Denmark. Please keep her and her potential mission trip to Cambodia in prayer! Thank you to all our readers for continuing to inspire us and for sharing how this blog has moved you!
I turned 30 in November of 2010. With this came a lot of fear about what I would do after graduation, where I would live and what career path I would take. I told a friend about my fears and we started to talk about my future job. I did not know what I wanted to do. That was when I was asked, “If you could do anything, what would it be?” I answered, “I would like to get out, travel and do missionary work.” This was after watching the movie “1040” by Jaeson Ma and reading a tweet of his that said: “Fear looks, Faith Jumps.” Without telling my friend about the motivation behind my desires, she suddenly told me: “I have only one word for you: JUMP.”
Immediately, I knew God wanted me to trust Him. With that, I decided to go out into the world without being concerned about what would happen. I believed that God would provide for me during my travels and so I didn’t concern myself with the stresses of leaving everything behind. For me, this was not about travelling, but a test of my obedience to God. You cannot trust God and give Him the control, but at the same time not be willing to do things His way.
Without having any idea of where I should travel, God showed me that my destination was Cambodia. Despite my financial burdens and inability to afford a plane ticket, God provided me with a round trip ticket and all the required vaccinations. My church held a goodbye party for me and off I went! However, little did I know that I wouldn’t travel very far…
Prior to my departure, I was told by the Cambodian embassy that I would be able to buy my visa at the Phnom Penh airport upon my arrival. However, when I arrived at the airport and checked-in, what do you think happened? I was not permitted to board the plane! The airline informed me that because it was uncertain that I would be able to buy my visa in Cambodia, I would not be permitted to fly as this would risk the airline being subjected to a large fine.
I felt like I was hit in the face, but told myself, “God knows best. Maybe I would have really gotten into trouble arriving in Cambodia without a visa.” With a burdened heart, I rebooked my ticket and came home.
The next day I sent an application for my visa, and I am now waiting for approval.
Today is the third day.
The first day I tried to convince myself that God knows best and that there was a reason for this.
The second day I was depressed, lying in bed all day watching TV and fleeing from reality.
Today I opened my eyes and realized that I had failed the test. Which test? The test of OBEDIENCE.
I recall receiving a message after telling my church of my plans to travel to Cambodia. The message said, “there is always a solution, but it is not certain that we will like it.” I did not like it this time.
This morning I realized that this could be a test from God to see how obedient I am. Even though God already knows where my heart lies, He wanted to show me. Well, the result was not good. Deep inside I was angry and felt that if God wanted, He could have let me fly and let me enter Cambodia without any problems. However, what I failed to consider is what if God did not want to?
What would I say, or how would I react if God told me, “I do not want you to leave for Cambodia!” What would I do? Would I ask “why?” Or Would I say “as you wish Lord”, but not really mean it? Or would I happily and truthfully say, “I Do As You Tell Me Because You Know What Is Best For ME,” without feeling rotten on the inside. I wish I would have followed the last option.
In this midst of my confusion, I remembered how God always spoke to me through Christian blogs and people’s testimonies. I started to read WitnessLA’s blog entry, “Obedience in the Midst of Struggle” and it moved my heart. I am so thankful that God uses everything and everyone to talk to you when you need to hear it the most. I will quote the last paragraph that spoke to me the most:
“I know that in the midst of my struggles, I’ve been just as prideful has Jonah, fickle in my faith just like Job’s wife and an incessant complainer like Job, but if life was just as simple as giving up every time we were going through hardships, why are we here on earth? God has a bigger plan for us and He has called us to fulfill the Great Commission. I don’t know about you, but regardless of the difficulties I face, I’m going to be obedient in God’s calling. What do you say?”
My answer to this question is this:
“I Do As You Tell Me Lord Because You Know What Is Best For ME”.
And I mean It.
Thank you Jesus for loving me and talking to me. You are the best.
My prayer today is:
“Jesus, please shape my heart in a way so I will always be obedient. Give me obedience based on affection, not on fear or ritual. Please give me “an affection based obedience”.